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Protesting, she let him lift it to her lips. The warmth flooded through her and
she lay back smiling. Paul bent to kiss her and suddenly she could feel the
intention hidden behind his handsome face. Her eyes flew to his face. He
gave her a peculiar little smile, his hands on her shoulders.
'Goodnight, Paul.' She tried to control the shiver running over her body.
He did not stop smiling. 'Not tonight, Helen,' he whispered, and the pale
eyes had a high glitter of excitement. His mouth came down and forced her
lips apart. Helen tried to drag her head back, pushing him away, struggling
against the avidly possessive hands.
She had no need to search his eyes for signs of love. She had known for a
long time that Paul did not love her, did not know what love meant. He
called it love when he meant a greedy desire to enjoy her body.
'No,' she muttered, sickened.
'You exposed our marriage to Eliot. I can't stand the man. I won't have him
knowing that my wife won't share my bed. You should never have brought
him in here, let him see you sleep alone.'
'Mark Eliot has nothing to do with this! Our marriage was a desert before we
came to Ryethorpe.'
'You made it one!'
'I did? I've been the one who held it together for the last two years, but
you've never tried to make a real marriage out of it.'
'I'm trying now,' Paul said with a tart smile.
'You call this an effort to make our marriage work?' Helen looked at him
with contempt. 'I'm in pain, I'm tired and I just want to go to sleep, but you
want to force yourself on me?'
He drew back, his face glazed, his eyes searching her face while he still held
her immobile against her pillows.
'You're my wife. I need you.'
'You need a woman, any woman. You've never needed me, Paul not me as
myself, just my body to relieve a temporary urge, just as you've done with
others. That isn't marriage, it's legalised prostitution! '
Paul's face flooded with dark colour. He actually looked shocked, his blue
eyes widening and darkening.
'That's a rotten thing to say!'
'It's the truth.'
'No!' He shook her violently and her hair flew across the pillow in a pale,
glittering swathe. 'I love you!'
'Did you love me when you slept with my best friend?'
'She was never your friend or she wouldn't have gone after me.'
Helen closed her eyes, shivering. 'Paul, for God's sake! Don't blame her. Are
you always the one who's innocent? Grow up start seeing things as they
really are.'
There was a silence. Paul's hands tightened on her, then slowly relaxed and
released her. He straightened, staring at her. 'You hate me, don't you?'
She looked at him sadly. 'No, Paul, I don't hate you.'
Their eyes held in a wordless knowledge. Paul's bones tightened beneath the
pale skin of his face. 'You're just indifferent,' he translated slowly, seeing the
tired greyness of her features.
Helen didn't answer; her face was even whiter than his, her eyes filled with
regret. 'I'm tired.'
He pushed a shaking hand through his hair. 'You did love me,' he said almost
to himself. 'You could again.'
They had reached the first moment when Helen really felt that Paul might be
beginning to take their marriage seriously. Slowly she put a hand on his arm,
looking at him hard. 'You know how I feel about divorce. I don't want to
leave you, Paul, but it's no good if only one of us tries to make the marriage
work. You aren't trying. You never have.'
His eyes moved away, then came back to her face. 'And if I do try? What sort
of marriage are you planning, Helen? Is it part of your scheme that I'm to
sleep alone for the rest of my life?'
'No,' she said with a reluctance that tasted sour in her mouth. 'But you've
made promises before and haven't kept them.'
'So I must wait, must I? Prove I love you?' His voice had a sharp ring, his
face was empty.
Silently she shrugged. He knew precisely what she meant. Paul studied her
as if she were a strange creature about whom he was curious. After a pause
he said: 'While you're working for Eliot I don't want him learning any more
about our marriage than he already has, Helen. While he was here I saw the
way he looked at you. Stay away from him.'
'I've no intention of getting involved with another man,' she said drily. 'I've
had all I can take from you.'
His face empty, he stood up. 'How long am I going to have to wait?'
'Until I'm sure you mean what you say '
He nodded and walked out. She shivered as she stared at the closed door.
She had told the truth when she had said she did not hate him. She was sorry
for him. She was saddened by him, but if he had taken her she would have
hated it. She found his lovemaking repulsive it was empty of everything
which had any connection with love as Helen recognised it. It was
self-willed greed, a. physical urge which would have scarred her if she had
been forced to submit to the possession of that handsome, selfish and
loveless man. She had promised to stay with him, promised to make yet [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]