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any way affecting its all-pervasive homogenous character or being affected by it in my day-
to-day transactions in the world. Speaking more clearly, it seemed as if I were breathing,
moving, and acting surrounded by an extremely subtle, viewless, conscious void, as we are
surrounded by radio waves, with the difference that I do not perceive or feel the existence of
the waves and am compelled to acknowledge their presence by the logic of certain facts; in
this case I was made aware of the invisible medium by internal conditions, as if my own
confined consciousness, transcending its limitations, were now in direct touch with its own
substance on all sides, like a sentient dewdrop floating intact in an ocean of pure being
without mingling with the surrounding mass of water.
During the past months I had on a few occasions noticed this tendency of my mind to turn
without encountering any barrier to its expansion within itself, extending more like a drop of
oil spreading on the surface of water until, collecting myself with an effort, I came back to my
normal state, itself more extensive by far than the original field of consciousness I had
possessed before the awakening. I had not attached much importance to this phase, believing
it to be an attempt of the mind to fall into reveries which, because of its luminous
spaciousness, created the impression of further internal expansion without implying any
additional change in my already peculiar mental condition. About a month after my arrival at
Jammu I noticed that not only had this tendency become more marked and frequent, but the
daily plunge into the depths of my lucent being was maturing into a great source of happiness
and strength for me. The development was, however, so gradual and the change so
imperceptible that I was led to believe that the whole occurrence was the outcome of the
general improvement in my health due to the salubrious climate rather than to any new factor
operating within me.
Towards the third week of December I noticed that when returning from these prolonged
spells of absorption which had now become a regular feature of my solitary hours, my mind
usually dwelt on the lyrics of my favourite mystics. Without the least idea of trying my skill at
poetic composition, when not in an absorbed mood, I made attempts at it, keeping the
mystical rhymes which I liked most as models before me. Beyond the fact that I had
committed to memory a few dozen Sanskrit verses culled from the scriptures and a few dozen
couplets picked up from the works of mystics, I knew nothing of poetry. After a few days of
mere playful dabbling I became restless, and for the first time in my life I felt an urge to write
verse. Not at all impressed seriously by what I thought was a passing impulse, I put to paper a
few stanzas, devoting several hours every day to the task.
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I wrote in Kashmiri, but after about a fortnight of daily endeavour I found I did not improve.
The sterility of my efforts to write in verse, instead of dampening my spirits, urged me to
greater efforts, however, and I devoted more and more time to what now became a regular,
fascinating hobby for me. The standard of the compositions did not improve in the least, and I
had often to labour for hours to complete a line and then longer to find another to match it. I
never associated the new tendency with the mysterious agency at work in my body. But these
unsuccessful attempts I was making at verse formation were a deliberately manoeuvered
prelude to a startling occurrence soon after. I was being taught internally to exercise a newly
developed talent in me about the existence of which I could have had no inkling otherwise;
my crude attempts were the first indication of the schooling.
During those days an ardent member of our small band of zealous workers in Kashmir was on
visit to Jammu. She came often to my place, usually to have news of our work at Srinagar
about which I received regular reports from our Treasurer or our Secretary. One day I offered
to accompany her home when she rose to depart, intending by the long stroll to rid myself of a
slight depression I felt at the time. We walked leisurely, discussing our work, when suddenly
while crossing the Tawi Bridge I felt a mood of deep absorption settling upon me until I
almost lost touch with my surroundings. I no longer heard the voice of my companion; she
seemed to have receded into the distance though walking by my side. Near me, in a blaze of
brilliant light, I suddenly felt what seemed to be a mighty conscious presence sprung from
nowhere encompassing me and overshadowing all the objects around, from which two lines [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]